Tabdi Jam! na Umar Saleh Gwani
A tunani ko a hasashena, na yi zaton matsayina da kuma wadatata sun isa a ce Ina da ‘yar boko gidana. Ta farko ‘yar uwa ce ga kuma ta biyu, wadda don karfafa zumunci Maigari ya aurar mani. Muna Lallabawa kamar yadda aka saba, tun da bakin da Allah ya tsaga, bai hana masa abin sakawa ko don salati.
A shekarun baya jikina yakan yi rawa, idanuna kamar an like su da danko, hannanye kuma sai dai aljihu domin ban tabbatar da ingancin barin su a fili suna kokawa da juna ba. Nakan yi yake har sai har sai fata ta janza launi, na kwallafa raina dun ran da ta amince rashin barci da sambatu sun kare gidana.
A hakan kuwa sai da na cimma buri, na mallaki gida na kece raini, na lallabi ‘yar uwata a zauna lafiya, na roki ‘yar maigari a sassauta sarauta don kawar zama da tata gudunmuwar ta taho; ga kwalliya ga shafe-shafe, ga turanci ga karya harshe, labari kuwa ko Waziri Aku; takan fito tana rangwadi ranar girki, ta bide gida da kamshi ta shake samiru da girke girke; gani kuma maigida da kasaita.
In gayyaci abokai don a sharbi gara, in kuma gayyaci ‘yar gaban goshina ta rera mana waka ko ta karanta mana labari. Idan da kuwa labari zai tsaya daga nan, da sai a ce tubarkalla. Amma ana watsewa nakan gane, tamkar baki nake a cikin gidan nan,
Bacin rai ko fushi suka kai ni gun a. Don duk ran da na je gwaji nakan ga fara’a da annashuwa da raha.
Hawan jini da ciwon kai bari guda su warke, duk dai na samu labarin cewar ba likita ce ba ma’aikaciyar jinya ce, to kuwa ai ni ke bukatar jinya tunda amarya ta gane BB, takan wuni akan WhatsApp da Facebook, a kwana ana Instagram da twitter, a wayi gari ga 2go da Badoo, Kar har da abin ya ishe ni sai gani wurin mai jinya domin raunin jiki da na zuci. Ta Yaya kuwa za su gane? Da jini da sarauta da ilimi duk suna bukatar kyawawan kula, babu lalaci ko karya ciki, sannan kuma ga fahimtar bukatu.
Just Imagine! by Umar Saleh Gwani
In my thoughts and speculation, I fancy my position and wealth warrants me to have an educated wife. My first wife is a relation, the second, a daughter of our chief who married her to me to consolidate our ties; We were managing just like we use to, since any mouth created by God will not lack what to eat, for praise and salutation.
Years ago, my body use to shake, my eyes focused as if glued. As for my hands, my pockets are where they belonged; I would not of leave them exposed to wrestle with each other. I used to grin sheepishly till my stretched skin changes colour, I yearned deep in my mind for the day she assents, that will bring the end of my sleeplessness and endless incantations.
As it stands, I the dose of my addiction, I owned an elaborate mansion, I flattered my first wife for patience, I pleaded with the princess to be flexible on her reign because their new partner is also bringing to the household her own contributions. She’s Fashionable and well made up, eloquent in English with a sweet accent, an excellent storyteller. On her duty days, she appears with poise and charm, filling the house with aroma and fragrance, filled up dishes with different courses for my posing guest and I.
Whenever I invite friends to feast, she will be there to sing or read a story. Had all these stories ended at this point, I would’ve said Thank God. But alas, as soon as my friends depart, that’s when I see her true colours making me feel a stranger in my own house.
It was annoyance and anger that took me to the doctor. My consultation visits are filled with joy and laughter in a relaxed atmosphere.
My high blood pressure and migraine get cured on such visits even after discovering she wasn’t a physician but a nurse; exactly what I need, to be nursed since my educated bride discovered BB, spends the whole day on Whatsapp and Facebook, nights she use for Instagram and Twitter, by day break she is ready 2Go with Badoo. At the end of my tether, a nurse was my final destination; for injuries of the body and soul, how would they ever understand? Blood, royalty and knowledge all desire tender care without laziness or deceit that will usher an understanding of my needs.